Floopy Crushes And Tiki Death Punch
by ginnyharry.crucio
Summary: Phoebe and Rachel think Chandler can't be romantic. Monica tries to convince them otherwise. Set in season 1, TOW George Stephanopoulos. Pre-mondler fun.


**Okay, it's an extended scene of the extended DVD scene of the girls' drunken dawdling in the balcony, set in TOW George Stephanopoulos, season 1. Kinda pre-mondler one-shot. Enjoy!**

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FLOOPY CRUSHES AND TIKI DEATH PUNCH

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"What do you think of our guys?"

It was Phoebe making the suggestion. After a dejected one hour wondering where their life was heading, especially without a "pla", biting into George Stephanopoulos' pizza had definitely uplifted her mood. And of course, the Tiki Death punch added a bit of life-altering boost to it.

"Our guys?" Monica repeated incredulously.

"Yeah, our guys."

"I don't know, I feel weird talking about it," said Rachel, before she looked up, scratching her thoughtful chin. It looked oddly funny, and they didn't quite know why. "I think Joey's one of those kiddie rides in the supermarket; you put the quarter in, and it just – goes."

"I don't know, one time he was helping me put on my coat, and he was really," Phoebe pressed her lips together; it was a slightly impish grin, "tender."

For a split-second, she happened to remain in a trance at the thought of it. Monica and Rachel gazed at each other, smug; even their alcohol-blurred senses could see sparks flying. Phoebe quickly changed the topic.

"Now, Chandler's hard to read. He is one of those repressed guys you just have to seduce."

"I think it's a part of the act. I have a feeling Chandler is a lot more sophisticated," added Monica. She felt somewhat hot under the collar; she wished they moved on – there were a lot of embarrassing details – particular Thanksgivings, prolonged hugs – that her uninhibited mouth didn't want to spill.

And Phoebe did. "You know who's really sexy?"

"– Noooo, guys –"

"–Ross."

"–He's my brother!"

Rachel fell back in a laughing fit. "I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes he can be really ... _smooth_."

Monica cringed even as Phoebe egged on, "Imagine how he'd be in bed..."

"I really don't want to," Monica tried to flick and shatter the dream clouds of the two smitten kittens on either side.

"Oh c'mon, Monica," Phoebe reached out to tickle her side, "Laugh. Laugh!"

"So Chandler's sophisticated, huh?" Rachel cooed, giving off a crooked, knowing smile. Both of them came about to be targeting Monica.

"I don't know, I said I have a _feeling_ ," Monica blabbered, turning the same shade of pink as the glass of punch she held in her hand.

"He's really dorky though," added Phoebe.

"I guess he can be cute when he isn't being an ass," said Rachel, "but except his daily staring at my breasts, sometimes I feel he isn't much into girls."

"Yeah, just told ya. You just _have_ to seduce him. Pull him out of his ivory shell."

"You know, maybe he's gay?"

"You know," Monica spoke after a long time, drawling on her words, "I think I know for a fact that he isn't."

Phoebe grinned. "Yeah? How come?"

Monica grinned back, then looked at Rachel, "Rach, remember Thanksgiving 87?"

Rachel gazed up in the air again, scratching the same thoughtful chin, and this time, she spruced it up with a wiseass pout, "Umm, wait. I was at your house for the dinner and ... Oh, _oh_! It was Chandler wasn't it, that's why when you introduced him in the coffeehouse I thought he looked familiar!"

"What is it?" Phoebe piped excitedly, "Someone tell me!"

Rachel gave in to another fit of laughter as Monica jumped out of the seat and tackled her and jokingly tried to gag her mouth shut, "Rach, nooooo –"

"–If you don't wanna say, why bring it up, Mon –"

"– _Nooooo_ , kill me –"

"–Monica cut off Chandler's toe while trying to seduce him!"

" _What_?!" Phoebe spat a mouthful of punch over the ledge of the roof, "Seriously?"

"With all seriousness," said Rachel, half-giggling and half-panting for breath, as she wriggled out of Monica's grasp.

"In my defence, I did that to get back at him for calling me fat, and the toe cutting was an accident!"

But it didn't seem like Rachel and Phoebe had a mind to stop the ambush anytime soon. "Please Monica," teased Rachel, "you had a crush on him."

Phoebe's jaw fell. "You had a crush on Chandler? Chandler? Our Chandler!?"

Monica thought she must've had bypassed maroon by then. She mumbled without thinking, "Yeah, I was in high school and was pretty stupid, and, and – Pheebs, you've got no right to talk, you have a crush on Joey!"

The allegation didn't spring up a reaction as violent from Phoebe as it did from Monica before. Phoebe casually sipped on her glass, "Yeah, I know. He's got such raw sexual magnetism. But so what, you had a crush on him too when he first moved in."

Rachel crooned in the middle, "Oooh. Can open, worms _flooping_ everywhere."

"Yeah, like, for half an hour," Monica pulled up her defence, "until I called him in for lemonade and he took off all his clothes."

"What?!" The other two gasped in unison.

"Yeah," Monica rolled her eyes, "Apparently lemonade spells s-e-x."

"Didn't you feel like biting his ass?" joked Phoebe, that impish grin cropping up again.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you, Pheebs!"

"Oh, you're the one to judge, you cut your man's toe off."

"Yeah," Rachel backed Phoebe, "After all, you're the one with a crush on _Chandler_."

"So," asked Monica, a tiny vein in her head a little offended, "What's the big deal?"

"I don't know, he doesn't come off as, you know, very romantic."

"Yeah," nodded Phoebe, "one time he handed a girl a break-up note and ran out of the café. Though the weird part was, the girl outran him," she chuckled, "Just kidding though. He escaped – he's pretty fast. Hey, _fast_! The one good thing we found about him after an hour of discussion."

"Yeahhhh," scoffed Rachel, "Like that's gonna help in bed."

Monica wondered where this streak of annoyance was coming from. Nevertheless, she decided to come down to Chandler's rescue. He wasn't _that_ bad. He never was.

"You know," she said, "I think he might surprise you."

"Really?" Rachel grinned.

Monica grinned back. "Yeah. I mean, he can be really, really sweet. He sat through stupid late-night movies with me, you know, when Phoebe moved out and I lived alone. Complaining about them, yes, but I got the company anyway. And then the day you moved out, he took me in for a long hug and told me I'm beautiful. It got me kinda high."

She bit her lip and sighed, and tried to be subtle. She wondered if Chandler even remembered it. Stupid Chandler. Never mind the goosebumps, or the nubby fabrics or that it was an odd moment to get her heart racing. These two would never stop giving her death about it if she kept on gushing. But Monica's drunk mouth hadn't been cooperating too well with her brains this evening.

Rachel swooned at the thought of it. "Oh my."

"And it occurred to me that we might've had made out that day had he not made a weird-ass joke about the towel I was wearing. Boy, I got friend-zoned by Chandler Bing. That's like the worst thing that can happen to someone!"

"Wow," said Phoebe, a bit relenting now, "Never knew he could be that sexy. Although, he was never supportive of my aura."

Monica raised her eyebrows, "How is that in any way, related?"

Rachel couldn't resist adding threads to the gag of the day, ignoring Monica's question, "Yeah, and one day I got a lousy tip, and he sang to me the Kermit song," she rose to her feet to mimic (exaggerate, to be specific, thought Monica, laughing) Chandler's swagger, " _Oh, Rach, it's not easy being Green_."

"So, maybe," started Phoebe, with a grin so wickedly smug it made Monica nervous, "Maybe, Chandler's a softie for just you, Mon."

"No way!"

"Ooh, _floopy_ crushes _flooping_ everywhere."

Monica raised her hands in mock-surrender. Phoebe and Rachel were just trying to mess with her, and now they were taking it too far. "Oh puhlease stop now," she laughed, with another drunken hiccup, "it's not like I'm gonna marry Chandler!"

Phoebe giggled, bobbed her head and gave a bout of showy coughing that vaguely sounded like, "Oh yeah, we'll see."

Monica gave her a death stare. "Pheebs, what did you just say?"

"Umm, uh? Hey, look George Stephanopoulos is taking his towel off!"

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 **Reeeeviewwww!**


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